In a city as conservative as Mosul, expressions of love like Ahmed’s are rare. The student climbed a large water tower at his university’s Faculty of Education, where his beloved studies, to unfurl a 2.5 metre sign bearing the declaration “I love you.”

“It was an uprising of love against the almost extremist conservatism in this city,” said Ahmed, who is in the fourth year of a degree at the Faculty of Management and Economics. “I accept the consequences of my actions, whether inflicted by the university or society.”

With Ahmed’s sign remaining attached to the water tower, the student sat his mid-year exams awaiting punishment from the university authorities. Across the university, sympathy for the lovesick student was high with his likely penalty expulsion.

“The intention behind Ahmed’s actions was to deliver a message to a society intolerant of its members’ emotional choices,” explained Asim Hasan, a friend of Ahmed. “The details of the matter are of no concern. What’s important is that the issue is being put bravely forth for discussion. This is quite unprecedented.”

However, a professor in the English department, wishing to remain anonymous, summed up the university’s position.

“He is likely to be expelled after the spring vacation, especially if his actions are interpreted as a campus offence or harmful to the girl’s reputation,” adding, “Religious extremism and conservative social norms in Mosul make announcing a love relationship in this city akin to admitting to murder.”

In Mosul, and many other Iraqi governorates, neither of the sexes can deal freely with their feelings. Familial, social, and institutional supervision is severe. The mere sight of a young woman accompanied by a young man in public can irrevocably harm her reputation.

“Ahmed’s actions might seem quite normal in any other country or even in another city in Iraq, but in Mosul they could have disastrous consequences for both parties,” continued the lecturer. “As soon as the girl’s name is known, she will become the talk of the town. If her family learns of the matter, they might force her to quit her studies. It might be even worse than that: no one will ask for her hand in marriage in the future.”

In Mosul, it is customary for the groom’s family to conduct detailed investigations about their son’s would-be bride. They go to her school, university, or place of work and they ask relatives and friends, to ensure there are no ‘moral barriers’ to the union. The reputations of the girl’s parents, her brothers and sisters, even her uncles and aunts are also researched. Often, proposed marriages have been scuppered on the basis of rumour and backbiting. A grudge may lead to a slanderer claiming to have seen the girl walking with a man who was not a relative. It is not even necessary to have seen anything. Just to have ‘heard’ something can be enough.

This makes girls very wary and protective of their reputations and emotional attachments. Mothers guide their children. So-called ‘Morality Workshops’ start early in a girl’s life to prepare her for her important future.

Even with liberalisation after the fall of Saddam, no major changes have occurred in what is socially acceptable for male-female relationships.

“Iraq is increasingly interconnected with the global communication system,” says Hameed Abdulwahhab, a researcher from the Islamic Research Centre in Nineveh. “There is satellite TV in every household, mobile phones capable of taking, storing and playing pictures and videos. All of these things have not managed to invalidate the centuries old social norms of Mosul. Many marriages are still conducted without the couple meeting each other until the wedding night.”

While tradition and moral purity may be preserved through this, the high rate of divorce suggests that it is not totally successful in producing happy marriages. In 2009, 14,000 marriages were confirmed in the court of Nineveh, with 3,500 divorces in the same year. Most of these divorces occurred very shortly after marriage.

The lack of any prenuptial relationship is the main reason for this, many believe. Only superficial portions of a person’s true personality can be seen during engagement. The true test is actual married life.

The writer and journalist, Abdulnasir Oubaidi believes that although natural relationships would be much better, the balance is weighted hugely towards arranged matches.

“Mosul is devoid of any infrastructure for love. There is no friendly space. Restaurants, cafes, parks, and libraries are all hostile places. It takes a lot of courage to go out on a date,” he says. “Even the security forces will cast a suspicious eye on two people whispering shyly, even though there is no law against it.”

While it is legal for the sexes to socialise with one another, there are also examples of women who meet with men suffering violence. In Bahzani, North of Mosul, a young woman was killed by a group of her male relatives after they discovered she was dating a man. She was beaten to death in the street and the killing filmed on mobile phones. The video has since been circulated widely through the internet. It has scared lovers terribly, especially in areas where tribal law overrides state law. Yet Ahmed remained nonchalant: “I’ve done nothing remarkable. I just told my beloved, in my own way, ‘I’m mad about you!’”